Shel Silverstein: How I Love Thee...

[hsifeng]

A conversation with my boss a few moments ago reminded me of this little jewel. My memory could only dig up the barest nugget, so I went mining the internet for the rest. I remember being this kid, having no idea how to formulate a believable sick-day excuse and instead coming up with Seussian levels of description of just how sick I was.

And honestly, sometimes I just wanted to stay home and watch cartoons on TV.

Enjoy!
 

I Cannot Go To School Today!

by Shel Silverstein

"I cannot go to school today"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.

My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox.

And there's one more - that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,
It might be the instamatic flu.

I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke.
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in.

My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My toes are cold, my toes are numb,

I have a sliver in my thumb.

My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,

I think my hair is falling out.

My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,

There's a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...
What? What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is .............. Saturday?

G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

Comments

[jukeboxhound.livejournal.com]

I read this guy's work so often as a little kid that reading this was like remembering the lyrics to an old favorite song, words and rhythm and all. Thank you.

[hsifeng.livejournal.com]

Somewhere I have a CD (yes, a CD that I bought as an adult, not a lovely LP left over from my childhood) with Shel Silverstein reading his own works on it.

I swear to god the man has a muppet voice. No human can think *and* talk like that.

shakes head in denial

*giggles*

I love everything he ever wrote, except 'The Giving Tree'. That story is one jacked-up tale of co-dependence. It makes me very, very sad.